Recently, the news media has been focusing on NFL football stars who have been charged with abusing their wives or girlfriends. Some of the incidents that were formerly “punished” or pushed under the rug are now coming to light.

But domestic violence or domestic abuse incidents are not isolated to big burly sports players — it’s prevalent throughout our society.

Straight Talk About Domestic Violence

First — domestic violence should not happen to anybody, however it can (and does) happen to anyone. Nonetheless, the problem is often overlooked, excused, or even denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. 

Second — domestic violence is a lot more common that you might think. You might work with or live next door to someone who is being abused right now. Or it may have happened once to you or it might be happening to you regularly.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other person. Partners may be married, dating, separated, or divorced. They may be heterosexual, gay, or lesbian.

Examples of Domestic Violence: 

  • Name-calling
  • Keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
  • withholding money
  • Actual or threatened physical harm
  • Sexual assault
  • Stalking

Anyone Can Be a Victim

Victims of domestic violence can be any age, sex, race, culture, or  religion. Although both men and women are abused, most of the victims are women. Children living in homes where domestic violence exists are also more likely to be abused. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may bear long-lasting emotional scars from witnessing domestic violence. 

Myths Surrounding Domestic Violence

1) Some people deserve to be hit

  • No one deserves to be abused. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
  • Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

2) Domestic violence happens only to poor women of color

  • Domestic violence occurs in all kinds of relationships —  to people of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, age, and sex.

3) If things were that bad, the abused person would leave

  • Leaving an abuser can be very dangerous. According to the United States Department of Justice, the most dangerous period for abused woman, is when she leaves or tries to leave.

3 -Warning signs of physical violence

  • Have frequent injuries, and may use the excuse of “accidents”
  • Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without any explanation
  • Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)

3- Psychological warning signs of abuse

  • Low self-esteem
  • Major personality changes (an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
  • Acts depressed, anxious, or even suicidal

Get Help

While physical injury may be the most obvious sign of domestic abuse, the emotional and psychological consequences are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. 

Here are a few resources that can show you how and where to get help from domestic abuse.  Your safety and the safety of your children must be your number one priority.

If you know someone whom you think is being abused – a friend, family member, co-worker, client, or patient  - consider contacting one of these agencies for help.

Resources

In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

 U.S. and Canada: The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women

Non-Profit Resource of Information:  HelpGuide.org